Double degrees, or double bananas?

I went back to NTU on wednesday to settle some admin with my friend. It was a long trip, but one that I secretly wished for some time. I guess I still like to study, despite all the exams and stresses that come along the way. It's a comfort zone of 16 years, and I'm finally out of it.

And as I recounted my old days back in school, I think there are many loose ends to tie up, but never managed to.

What if I went on an exchange in Sweden?
What if I took on more CCAs? How would it change my perspective on things?
What if I stayed in hall? What kinda friends would I have right now?
What if I was kinder to the people who were indifferent?

I don't regret all that I have not done, but some of these questions will just remain to be just questions. Would you be curious?

Curiousity has nearly killed the cat. To all you university hunks and babes, don't live your university life with too many "what if"s. Or worst still.. with even more "what the hell.."s.

Had a conversation with a good friend recently, and there were also questions on his mind.

What if I wasn't too busy with schoolwork to notice the hot girls in school?
I had that question too. And so did you =)

___________________________

A shoutout to Weiliang, I come to NTU and u're not there... wha lau ehhh.
To Cicil, nice lunch man. Great company quenches lousy food.
Shufen, hope you get your masters soon. And let this day mark the beginning of your long trips to the journey to the west.

My appreciations and gratitudes

I'm just thinking back, 7 days from CNY.. I will be on my first job as a welding engineer. I'm so grateful for such a wonderful opportunity to work in one of the busiest companies in the offshore industry. It'll be a outdoor work kinda stuff, supervising and planning and making sure no cock ups happen before we knock off. My first job after months and months of restless searching and lazing at home. It's time to go out and get rough n' tough.

To Lester Phong, if you're reading this, you're in for a great treat. If it weren't for u, there wouldn't be this. To my lab mate whom I work with illegally till the wee hours of the morning, here's a tribute to you and many more =)

Just to recap, he was the one who forward my name to the commissioning department, and i got a reply just the day after for an interview. Despite my weird engineering background (materials engineering is still very unheard of), the interviewers were very soft on me and there was no issue on my Degree. The second and third interviews followed, and I found myself with a job as a commissioning engineer by the end of november. However, something interesting happened in the third interview..

It was an interview with none other than the second man of The Company himself, Mr Wong Kok Seng. I could remember his name so clearly because my name is Wong Kwan Seng. He was an operations director, and after reviewing my profile, He thought I was more suited to be a welding engineer. I was like.. this is so materials science, I would love it man! And I told him "I would also be open to your suggestion.." And I never expect to land a position in that field which is also dream job I would look for, and even better, to put what i learn in school to good use.

I've passed the medical 3 weeks ago, and i'm in the clean bill of health for the job. Thank God for my still perfect eyesight, and incredibly, perfect hearing after so much abuse from Walkman and drumming.

To the nurse who attended to me that day, thank you for not jabbing my already swollen arm for any blood tests.

Hey to all u guys who are reading this blog.. wanna give a shout out to my peeps and wish them a happy new year!

Jessel, Sebastian, Soo Huei, John, Benedict, Collin and all the other drummers I didn't mention, appreciate your friendship man. Looking forward to working more with you all next time.

My cell group N430, you guys are the best. Yubing, Angeline, Jinlian and GJ, weiliang, better than all the rest! whahaha.

Lilian, Sze Yin, Adam, my NTU peeps. We all got a job as our big angpow sia =)

Joel, Whye Heng, my brothers from different mothers, you all made my past 10 years smell like a nice breeze. Thanks!

A thought

Sometimes when u get presented with a truth,
it is really the best defence against a lie,
or even worse to live the lie out,
And u end up kicking urself in the butt.

The saddest thing to know is that at the end of the day,
when u have done this and got ur medals shiny for a parade,
it really doesn't matter if you're up the wrong tree,
but would you dare to lose your leverage and take on the cloth of humiliation?

Would you tolerate 50 years of boredom?
And give that up for a most important hour of your life?
If everything you did in your life you thought was crap,
Would you smoke some weed, or give your life a final run for its money?

When you are hoping against the fierest of odds,
know that someone has worn ur shoe of faith,
that he has fought well and hard for what's worth in his life,
And know that you have everything in ur hands to do the same.

There are things I believe and know to be true,
is no longer true anymore,
If life could only be expressed in simplicity,
But that's why people have blogs to tell u how impossible it really is.

The heavy heart,
The burdened mind,
A restless soul,
A light that needs to shine

Why does it ache,
Why does it screams for justice,
I know this isn't fake,
On this poem that I thought i never make.

Come away with me,
And i will show you more,
What it really means,
to be gutted back and forth

What the mouth couldn't speak,
The heart gives a silent scream,
Tell myself not to be weak,
That I will not walk with a limb.

The hour is here,
And i can smell my victory's beer,
I will stand and fight,
With every ounce of my might.

Bring my enemies on,
and I will walk over their heads,
Thank you God for giving me my form,
And in you I will give my all.

I've been thinking quite a bit recently, or rather, I'm very much of a thinker la. And it brought me back to where my roots really lie, my self-esteem.

Sometimes I do wonder if my natural tendency to quietness really stems from all the crap of primary school bullying. As far as I remember in my youth, I am quite a vocal kid. The biggest problem was probably me irritating people. =) And that got me into alot of trouble. I got put into a cell (yeah, they did that in kindergarden), caned, tied up, blah and blah. From sec 3, i never really found the urge to dig out the outspokenness that was once found in my childhood.

Who am I, really?
What am I truly capable of?
What do I have that others don't?
Am I really accepting of myself, or am I tolerating myself?
Do I always look jaded, and why so?

These are questions that probably probe u guys from time to time. I'm not sure if I have answers to all I just asked about myself.

Life is a journey where u would always realise things about urself u never knew. When would we truly arrive at this point where I can say, I've arrived?

When would I come to the point where my mistakes are so insignificant, that it doesn't prevent me from reaching what I'm called to do in this thing called "destiny"?

Give me some answers, and I'll give u a penny for ur thoughts..

I just went to the library today, after graduating from school for almost like 5 months? I went through the shelves to find some books on welding, and when i got down comfy on a chair, I did wat I always do before reading, SLEEP.

So i woke up to a blurry eye and starting reading what my future works gonna be all about. It hasn't really sunk in yet, this whole job thing. But i'm looking forward to it like it's my new day in school!~

Nothing much to rant about, I'm as happy as a goose for now. I gotta get down and dirty on getting some yearly resolutions right. My planning's just halfway man. Someone help me plan my itinerary for this yr and I will pay ya. Sure helps when people do ur work for ya. =)

Alright, come back in a while. I will learn to add pictures to my blog next time. =)

Gabb

Hey people, as u can see, i have been super on off about blogging... with entries 1 to 2 yrs apart. Excuse me for it ah. Hahaha.

I guess I will start writing all those poems that i have in my heart one day. It's more of an expression of the many things that goes on in my life, in a non-narrative mode. And for those who have been looking out for me, I really wanna thank you here and when I do see you, I'll make sure u know who u are. =)

2009 is here, and in a way i'm thankful for 2008 that has passed me like a sneeze. There are so many pains in that short one year, as well as joy that will become throphies in my life. Finishing my degree, my SOT graduation, and getting a job in the darkness of economic times. And there were those late nights where i could blown up my lab because I didn't wanna take it anymore, and the days of helplessness accompanying joblessness.

Been feeling abit nostalgic listening to an old song that i've grown up with. The rainbow connection by Kermit. Feels so good to hear it all over again. Adam thanks for that song post.
I guess I'm still quite contented with old stuff. I'm a wuss for sentimentalism. Take away my PSP or computer for my ninja turtles.

So random are my posts, but only because i'm catching up for months of hiatus. I will try my best not to be on hiatus too long. Stay tuned!

Hi people!

It's been a long time since i returned to blogging. I have been trying to find my password and username for the longest time... and I finally remembered it! I'm so thankful that i get to claim this back.


So... I will start my ramblings...


Too many things, too little time on this blog. But I guess very recently, I'm reminded of the initial passion and love for the things that I do. Sometimes, the things that i worked for and dreamed about... yeah it came to pass, but then again, it can feel like a routine sometimes when I do it... its something which i have to guard.

What good a work can be without the passion and zeal filling it? It starts becoming a clanging cymbal or hollow sounds from the drumsets.

I need a greater capacity to love people, to love the unloved. To set the captives free.

I'm not trying to be a hero. But sometimes, I wish I could so people will know that life ain't so bad with that guy around after all.

The passion and zeal for what I have been fighting for, that fire must never go off... if not there's really not much a point in living.

It's a sunday morning.. I'm at KL now. University of Malaya. I miss the computer so much man. Until I chanced upon a terminal... whahaha.

The chess competition has been intense. I've lost millions of brain cells.... and so have my opponents. It's been a tough but enjoyable experience. To me, there's no better privilege I know than to represent NTU, and to wear that jacket to show you are one. We have been occupying the top boards, and I'm pretty thankful for that.

We have a bunch of interesting people here. There were snorts, sniggers, gruntings, and shaking of legs during the tournament. In fact half of us were jogging on the spot cause it was too cold man. So chess does improve your mental and physical capabilities. Some of them would just rub their shoes at the legs of the chair to give that squeaky noise. I chanced upon an opponent next to me, and he keep burping and sneezing and coughing and whatever you name it he has it. Man, it was gross. I had to stop him cause i couldn't concentrate on my opponent liao. And the guy who coughed his lungs out at the toilet every morning, I could hear it at my room. But the winner has to go to the indian guy who sang at the toilet at 1am in the morning. It was so eerie it scared the living daylights out of me. It was like a hybrid of whitney houston and linkin park hitting the high notes.

My nights... it's pretty awesome to have very few mozzies flyin' around. But the students play the Kompang way till 2am. And to a certain extent it drove me nuts... to hear the same thing night in and night out. To the drummers: I will teach you some stuff I heard for the past 4 nights.

But what really rocked was the shopping at KL.. it's amazing at the amount of stuff u can find at the malls. Within 2 days, I shopped for so much clothing... it'll probably last me till I become a dad(I think). For once, I understood the meaning of impulse buying. And why you just want to get that piece of clothing even though u have more than u can carry already. Shopping rocks at KL man.

I catch up with u guys again. Till next time.. I'm off to my room.

I just finished packing my room... Rummaging through all the old stuff and get em cleared before it starts piling up...

There was a sense of nostalgia as I packed them... hmm... the sentimental side of me kicked in for that 3 hrs... if i had a wish... i probably wish i could get paid for studying. Life's much easier I feel. In any case... my brain's all locked up with nothing to say... so i guess i'll come back another day.



Told you I'll blog real soon right?

To Lilian: I know you are reading this... ahahaha.

It's been pretty long since I last blogged.. So here's the lowdown of the things that happened

1---> Exams are not the nicest things to do.... It only feels really good when u know how to attempt the questions on the actual day. And to feel good you got to study hard. And that feels pretty dry.

The times i tried so hard in the library and got distracted by sniggers from my neighbours. Hot tea to keep myself awake.. Seeing the selfish side of humanity emerging. Coldness and indifference in the air of pressure. And of course, the beauty of real friendship blossoming during times of adversity. The whole package doesn't really rock, but I'm grateful to be called a student and do the things I do for the season.

I once told someone this, that you are appointed and chosen and selected for that particular table in that particular exam hall to do the exam, being called for excellence by none other than God Himself. You are the man for the moment to fulfill the mission for the hour. He didn't choose your pastor or your mama or papa to do it. So according to KC, it boils down to our perception of the things we value or see.

2 ---> I tried hard to balance the nerd side and the fun side... with more nerdy stuff?

Yeah... it's true... I play chess last time, and now! Check me out moving pieces over a board.
Believe it.

I would even go to KL for a competition for it. And it's coming in 7 days!

3 ---> Music music music.... Hire me and I will give you music that will get ur brain cells jumping. Breakthroughs in so many areas. I heading towards a more musical future, the upward call against the downward rage of society.



I can't remember anymore! So that means i gotta update more often to even remind myself..

Till next time, which should be very short, I'm outta here~! :)


~Gabriel~
I AM NOT A NERD,
I AM ONLY VERY NERDY.

It was a time of self reflection.

Did I hear him say correctly? Was it in the context that I was thinking?
It seems so. I confirmed it. I asked him. And I couldn't believe it initally. I even thought it was a joke.

It sounds too good to be true!

You mean... 3 months?
But how can it be? Since I'm still so green?

I really don't understand why. But it was so encouraging. It lifted my spirit up to another level entirely. My spirit exudes joy walking in that direction.

I will take the comment very seriously. I WILL run after what I've set out to do and accomplish, On what seemed to have been shelved for so many years, and now I see the golden gate.

I won't comment more. In due time, I think u will know :)

Today's a special day for me. In the midst of handling my disappointments, and recovering from it, I got a new appointment today.

I was to play for prayer meeting today at Jurong West!

My dreams, my hopes, all amounted to this opportunity I've been waiting for all my life.

An opportunity that can potential ignite an exciting journey, that's what it is!

And it's funny that it had to come at the most unexpected time.

I think that I'll never be the same after today. All the things I told you bro boon, it's running in my head like a video tape. It's amazing. I love it. I know I can make a difference today and knock the livin daylights out of some people.

For all you non-christian readers out there, hahaha. Paiseh, I din write much stuff u understood for the past few posts. Maybe if u would be in my shoes u would have yanked out ur hair =)

Goo Goo Dolls - Here Is Gone

You and I got something
But it's all and then it's nothing to me
Yeah
And I got my defenses
When it comes to your intentions for me
Yeah
And we wake up in the breakdown
Of the things we never thought we could be
Yeah

I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
What do you got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

And I want to get free, talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be all you need
Somehow here is gone

I have no solution
To the sound of this pollution in me
Yeah
And I was not the answer
So forget you ever thought it was me
Yeah

I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
What do you got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

And I want to get free, talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be all you need
Somehow here is gone

And I don't need the fallout of all the past
that's here between us
And I'm not holding on
And all your lies weren't enough to keep me here

And I want to get free, talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be all you need
Somehow here is gone

And I want to get free talk to me
I can feel you falling
I know it's out there
I know it's out there
I can feel you falling
I know it's out there
I know it's out there
Somehow here is gone
I know it's out there
I know it's out there
Somehow here is gone

I just came back from service. And as I stood the on the terraces, alot of memories came flooding back. Memory of my 3 friends. Memories of the times we had together as such good friends. The times where we would help each other out on booking seats. The times where I got scolded for not doing things right. The times where I brought you to church. The time where you responded to the altar call.

It was so happy, I learnt so much. Now when I turn my head, I see a shell of a group that was once thriving in revival. Guys, I miss you so badly. Why did you all throw in the towel? You didn't need to do it. I want to help u. But I can't reach you. I can't see you.

I hope for the best for you. Really. When I pray I would think abt you, and the circumstances you are in. Why did you have to do it, when it wasn't right at all, and u got urself into so much where u haven't had to do it in the first place. Does feelings really matter so much that one is willing to lay it all just for a moment of instant gratification? Does feelings matter so much that you are willing to dump God for it? To the reader, dun think so much about sexual immorality, its not. But let me ask you this.

What is love, when it fails at the moment of gratification? It weakens to a mutant of lust if u continue to live in it.

I love you, but I want to have my ice-cream first.
I love you, but clubbing on friday nights is a must.
I love you, but too tired to go to expo la.
I love you, but you are too strict on me.
I love you, but I rather spend time with my studies.


Love.. I believe in love. It's the fabric of my heart. And I really love you guys.

And today, I received news that I'll be transferring out to another cell. I think he knows it has been particularly hard for me. Everytime I look at the cell, I really wanted to cry. That's how I feel.

This is dedicated to you 6 guys and gals. I will never name you.

You six people have been one of the best people I've met, and I hope we will meet again next time.

I really need some time off to rest. My soul grieves day and night the moment u guys pop into my head. I wish I could just give up sometimes..

But I won't. I will NEVER. I know my God. I could never turn away..

Why God
Why things have to happen the way it is?!
Why why why why why why why why why???!!!!!
I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs.
I can't take it anymore.

Why must things be so complicated?!
Why must you be so foolish?!
Why must you do it?!
You were on a roll, you were getting there!

Why must you follow?
Why did you leave me alone?
Why when I turn I wanted to see you but I can't?!

Tell me why.. I'm asking a question to all 3 of you.

WHY DID YOU TURN AWAY?

I'm so tired, it's 3.40am in the morning, but I can't sleep.

I'm grieving.

I received a sms. It was a goodbye message from some one. I can't believe it.

Why do people make decisions in life that alter the course of their destiny. I don't know, I don't want to care anymore.

The 4 of us went skating once together, before sending the fellow friend off. I have very fond memories of it. I never knew I would lose all 3 of them within 4 months.

How do u describe a man who has literally lost his dearest friends in his cell group.

When I look back, i constantly get reminded of it. God, it hurts so bad. I'm living in a different world altogether.

My fight has been ruthless.
The missiles just keeps coming and coming.
So many issues were thrown at me one after another.
It feels like I'm living in a different dimension.
This really is war. As much as I wanted it, it was as much as what the devil intended.
The moment I declared it, the devil handed mouthfuls of it.

I smell my breakthrough, it's gonna be awesome. But sometimes, you can't help but feel discouraged by the circumstances you are in.

God, if you are not standing in the gap, I would have been dead by now.
But I'm so thankful for great friends along the way.
Friends like Ben, Joanne, JingJing, you guys are people I cannot ask for more.

Luke, you're a brother like no other. I really mean it.

Allow me to type something personal...

I'm happy today. My war has started.
It was a war I have waited for a long time.
A war with a purpose of winning, and plundering the deepest depths of hell.

This is about a war on my calling in life. What I have always believe in is now undergoing a major test. I'm on the brink of something new. I can smell the aroma of victory from here.
But not without a tough fight.

It was a war to rediscover myself, to find out the deepest depths of how strong I can be, my limitations, and what I see in myself. I see a breakthrough in 8 weeks. I really do.

It's a time where I have made certain decisions in my life, life changing decisions. And immediately, war broke out. I expected this, and have been waiting for this. I'm gaining territory.

Because of a Jehovah Nissi, My banner of victory has been poised. Pray for me that I have the strength to run this.

DARE YOU TO MOVE - SWITCHFOOT

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone’s here
Everyone’s here
Everybody’s watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next
What happens next

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before